Years ago, when I first became a parent, I used to pride myself in the fact that my children would call me “daddy”. To me, being called “daddy”, meant that I was way more approachable and fun than someone called “father”. It meant that I had become the best part of being a dad or father…a daddy. Fast forward several years, and I now think differently. My view on this changed when I met several families that we are good friends with who just so happen to have “daddys” that are referred to as “father”. Its simply a preference or style.
There was really no point to the above other than sharing my observation in this area. Now to the real point.
As father’s day approaches, I would like to share my biggest inspiration for being a great dad, if I can say so myself ;). Long ago I heard that the man sets the tone of the house. When I first heard this, I strongly disagreed, and I still do. I truly believe that the woman sets the tone of the home. Sure, the dad can loudly voice his opinions (throw a fit really), and they are definitely the protectors of the home. I also believe that God set it up for them to be the main providers, but the wife/mom sets the tone of the home for sure.
For many years, although I did take responsibility and interest in my children, I was extremely selfish in my actions. There were no “guy’s time out” or “long hunting trips”, hell, there weren’t even any “my sports times”, but the house had to be in a certain order or I wasn’t a happy camper. Money also flew out of my hands faster than I could make it, but of course it was to buy fancy tires or toys for me, so it was OK…I thought. And, although it’s not for selfish reasons, the past four years of work have required me to be gone more than I was home. All this to say that I completely set myself up for my wife to not like me (probably didn’t at times) and my children to resent me.
The bad things that could have happened due to my selfishness did not. They did not happen because the tone of our home was set by my wife. She did not control the house, in fact the exact opposite is true. She did not complain to others about me. I would even bet that she never complained much to anyone (except God) about my ignorance. Now for you that are saying “The wife needs to be able to share her frustrations with others.”… I agree, to a point. The fact is is that there are very few women mature enough to not cause more strife within a marriage. My wife did have these mentors, and they did not let her complain. They would encourage her to love me and care for me like I was great…and she did, very well.
During the years that I have traveled, my children have always been extremely happy to see me when I come home. Every time! Imagine being her, a wife that cares for 10 children, runs 2-3 business’s, exercises (she’s hot!), cooks in always (amazing cook), home-schools and runs errands, all with me being gone most of the time. Sounds like a great opportunity for complaining to me. Not her. Also sounds like a great opportunity for the children to not like me or even care if I come home. Not ours.
She is always happy, she dresses sexy for me (she’s more into “comfort”, so she does have to think about it!) and although most people think that having 10 kids means we have sex all the time…it doesn’t…however, we do. All this to say…she has set the tone. All of the wives that complain about not having the perfect husband, also set the tone. And the tone or feel of those homes absolutely sucks to be around. Poor kids too.
So as we enter Father’s Day, I would like to say thanks to my wife for challenging me to be the best daddy/father that I could be and for encouraging me to be better everyday! Thanks babe!
What is the tone of your home? Do you like it?
Obviously there is a lot unsaid in this writing. I feel that since intelligent people are reading this, that I do not need to address the obvious questions or concerns that will come up when relating this to your personal situation. 🙂